So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
