I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
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