matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
