Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Randomize
