it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
