I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
