the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
