getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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