I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize