i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
only you would photoshop your dick
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
