I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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