does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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