Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
