You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We have so much sex to catch up on
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
