Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
