Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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