I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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