Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize