He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
