My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
