Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
