Whod you bang
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
