I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
operation have a gay friend backfired
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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