I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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