I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize