it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
