she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
