My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
