:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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