Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
