btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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