So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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