I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize