I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
