I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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