So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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