you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
