So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
