Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
