i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you inspire me to be a worse person
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
