I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
