mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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