I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You dont lie about slip and slides
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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