Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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