is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
