um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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