i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
