she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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