Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
