She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
