I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
the condom got lost in my hair
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
