sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
