Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just cropdusted the office
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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