My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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