i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
