I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize