omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
