Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
