I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize