I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
