Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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