i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
