thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
