thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
