There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
