Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
