He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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