im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
