Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
