the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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