i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
