He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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