Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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