Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
