Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
