I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
