So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
