Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
