Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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