i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
