my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
