Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
