talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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