after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
