Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
