Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
