question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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