I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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