Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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