So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
