i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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