Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
