I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
