I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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