Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
