Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
True strength comes from lack of pants
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
